Lord has blessed you with kids and  no issues conceiving. You probably didn’t realize it could be hard for others, because it came so naturally for you. Now you find out your best friend or family member is having issues getting pregnant. Or maybe they haven’t announced that they are having issues, but now the married couple is going on 10 years of marriage and still no kids. What do you do? What do you say? Most importantly what DON’T you say?

Let’s start off with what not to say. These are a few of the most common phrases heard that are nails to a chalkboard for people going through infertility:

1. Just relax– for someone who has been trying for months and or years. The last thing they want to hear is to relax. Trust me you are not the first person to tell them that. If they had a penny for everyone that has told them that their future kid’s college fund would be covered. Relaxing does nothing. There is nothing medical about that. Yes stress can play a minor part but if they have been in this journey long enough, relaxing is not the problem. This phrase only makes one person feel better and that would be you.
2. It will happen when it’s supposed to happen– Nope.  Not this one either. Never utter these words. They are very aware it will happen when it is supposed to happen. That doesn’t reassure them, help them or make you look good in anyway.
3. Go get drunk. That’s how we got pregnant. – No ma’am. If they have been going through this journey long enough and they drink, trust me they have tried it. Its deeper than just having a drunken night to solve their issue.
4. I have a friend who can’t get pregnant either. Maybe y’all should get together. –
   Nope. This is not leprosy. She doesn’t want to be put in “that group”. She really just needs your support.
5. Why don’t ya’ll just adopt? My friend got pregnant after they adopted. – Adoption is a wonderful thing. Trust me they have thought about it, but sometimes couples are not ready for that yet. They want the same opportunity to have a child they have created. Just because it’s more difficult for them to have a baby, doesn’t mean that they should eliminate the process completely. Adoption can be financially and mentally straining. It shouldn’t be taken lightly. That is their choice if they decide to go down that path. It’s not just adopting. There are many factors that come into play and it can take months for the adoptions to go through. Sometimes the couple wants exhaust all their options on their own first. And that’s ok too.

This is a very trying trial. What your friend needs is support. Not meaningless words.  Sometimes just saying, “I don’t know what to say” is enough. Or tell them you will be praying for them and actually do it. Or tell them something encouraging. Complement them. And most of all be there for them. Give them a few verses to hold on to. And you can say,” I don’t know what to say but God promises this…”

Have you ever been hormonal when you are PMSing? Remember when you where pregnant and you were hormonal? This is what your friend is going through. Her hormones are up and down and side to side especially if she is on injections. They are rocking her body’s world physically and mentally. So again I say encourage her to keep pressing through this trial. They may snap at you, burst into tears or text you at 3 in the morning. Just remember, it’s the hormones talking and let it roll of your shoulder. Please be sensitive to them during this time. Never jokingly cut them down in this season. They are very vulnerable, self-conscious and unstable right now. They need to be lifted up in prayer on a daily bases and encouraged. Finally, talk to her about ANYTHING but Babies, Kids, and Their Trial. It’s exhausting to always talk about this stuff. She needs a breather. Find a way to make them laugh. Laughing helps so much. I don’t know why, but it just does.

FAITH